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Psychology of the personality   Psychology of the relations   

Teenage love

Time flies very quickly, especially for mothers. Only yesterday, appear, studied information how to change diapers, and today already we look for answers to questions what to do if the teenager fell in love? And in this question, the main thing – not to do much harm, because mentality of the teenager – piece thin.

How not to do much harm to the teenager

Many parents, having heard from the child about love, refuse to trust and accept in it as a reality. And then they start proving to the child that he still very small for serious feelings. And that it at all not love, and thus is not listened that he in reply, and it, perhaps, says them the worst that they can make for the child. Or that is even worse, so it to deride feelings of the teenager. Consequences of it can be the most sad, besides that will deteriorate the relation of fathers and children – not the worst option. Sometimes outcast children try to make attempt of a suicide, especially if the first love remained without answer.

One more reason for disagreement is the elect of the child. So already it developed that the choice of children very seldom is pleasant to parents. And only wise parents, leave criticism towards the elect at themselves. But is more often, happening on an emotional platoon, parents state everything that think about it to children. And between all family members the intense psychological situation results. Though it is very frequent, all experiences of parents are quite justified. Today's circle of contacts of teenagers happens rather big, and not always in it only heroes.

Love signs at teenagers

According to family psychologists, teenage age the heaviest, as for parents, and children. Because at this age the teenage negativism starts proving actively. It is shown so: all words of adults, the teenager starts disproving and besides not only in the theory, but also in practice. If parents say what to smoke harmfully, means it is necessary to try.

There is some ban for parents, to break which it is not recommended:

  1. Do not rummage in children's things. The child will apprehend such behavior as mistrust to it.
  2. Same concerns both the computer, and mobile phones. If to break this ban, the child will be closed in himself, and it will be very difficult to come into contact with it.

To learn about that your child fell in love, attentive parents will be able on some signs because it is usually difficult to children to hide the emotions. Treats these signs:

  1. Time of stay of the house decreased. If earlier the child could be at home behind the computer or behind the book day and night, now it will vanish outdoors, later to come back. If parents noticed it, they cannot forbid the child to leave the house by no means, it is simple to deliver it a reasonable framework when to come back home, but permissivenesses, of course, should not be.
  2. The child more long usual began to speak by phone. Usually, if the teenager has to someone a sympathy, he starts speaking by phone more. Thus, if earlier it did it in the presence of parents, now he tries to do it alone.
  3. The child asks to increase to him quantity of pocket money. Especially this sign concerns boys because it is necessary to pay expenses on appointments. Try moderately opportunities to allocate to the child some sum, differently the child will start looking for independently ways, where to take money.
  4. The mood of the teenager changes. Besides the mood can change radically, everything depends on how the relations at the child with the second half develop.
  5. Appearance of the teenager changes. One of the main signs that the child fell in love is his special attention to the appearance. The teenager can experiment the appearance. During this period of the critic of adults it will be perceived in bayonets. Usually all experiments in speed come to an end.
  6. Emergence of contraceptives. Most often parents of boys find condoms. Psychologists advise parents to pretend that they saw nothing. And to be glad that the child is rather clever to be protected. Make so that the child received all exhaustive information on sex, diseases and methods of contraception.

Of course, it is possible to call all these signs of teenage love conditional, so they happen almost at each teenager. Most true will be opened to ask the child about his feelings.

Councils to parents

To parents, whose teenagers for the first time fell in love, it is very difficult not to lose a trust thread. Therefore advises to adhere to certain general rules:

  1. Get acquainted with the elect of your child. Advise the teenager to invite the object of sympathy home. It is not necessary to arrange family lunches, children are still young for such shows, simply talk and you will see that the person represents.
  2. Get acquainted with the teenager's friends. Normal parents need to know always with whom their child communicates. Organize some holiday for children, a party and to you it will be possible to see all company together and to look as they behave. But remember that under your control children will not feel comfortable, leave teenagers for some time. Anything does not happen to them, and the child will estimate your trust.
  3. Do not criticize. Perhaps, having met the soulmate of your child, you will understand that it is really far from an ideal. But here the teenager should not report about it, better openly and unostentatiously to ask him what exactly attracts it in the elect. Also try to understand and accept these arguments.
  4. Do not reprimand. Very widespread mistake of all parents, this transformation of confidential conversation into reading notations. Surely listen to the child, try to give to him the correct advice. Remember that love quickly passes, and difficult to return trust.
  5. Allow the child to fill "cones". As if parents did not want to save the children from all misfortunes, to make it is unreal. Give to the child the chance to make a choice. Even if also the wrong. But you always have to be on the alert and at prime necessity, lend a reliable parental shoulder.
  6. Do not interfere with the relations of lovers. By no means do nothing to quarrel lovers. Unfortunately, it is very frequent practice among parents. Only you should not forget about consequences if the relations and feelings of children rather strong, you can become for them enemy No 1.
  7. Tell about the first love to the child. Also you should not stint words, tell in more detail and sincerely. These stories you will set him thinking that this love not eternal.
  8. Raise a self-assessment at the child. Do not abuse the teenager's elect, and praise the child. Let it grow self-assured, it is quite possible that he will reconsider the views and about the darling.
  9. Be the friend for the child. He has to know that at any time can ask for you the help and receive it.

Anyway, and any parent will sometime face such problem as love at their child. Also it is necessary to reconcile that the child already the adult. And he as well as you, has the right for a mistake and for own choice. Support him. And your relation will return a hundredfold.

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On March 27, 2009 Sakhan Dosova from Kazakhstan will be 130 years old. It the oldest person in the world.