Love – the finest feeling. It inspires and gives force. Carried away by the feeling, lovers see only , without paying attention to the events surrounding them. Long walks, , gifts – from this, apparently, all life consists. And here, there comes the most important and disturbing point – . However both lovers at the beginning of the relations seek to prove to be only from the best party. To analyze in such situation it is difficult as stir feelings. For successful joint life it is necessary to be guided not only feelings, but also reason. What to do if you did not live together, but decided to establish a family? How to remain with darling and not to allow that your family boat in the future "crashed about life"? This article will help you to cope with difficulties.
We get rid of illusions
You love each other and cannot live without each other. You get married soon, every day will be together. However the phrase "I cannot without you", unfortunately, quite often is replaced by the statement "I do not want you to see any more". In what business? Why the people loving each other so change?
The main reason – in illusions. Unfortunately, many young pairs which decided to establish a family not quite adequately perceive the events. Meeting the person only on walks, at restaurant, it is impossible to understand nature of the person, his character. Often both consider that after a wedding there will come the infinite honeymoon. But it not so! After a honeymoon inevitably there will come everyday life, and to it it is necessary to be ready.
Besides, marriage renders serious psychological loading. The status of the husband and wife imposes on you responsibility: if earlier you were responsible only for yourself, now your darling will depend on you in many respects. It is necessary to be ready to such responsibility and to look at your future it is realistic.
Psychologically to be prepared for the future changes in your life, try to implement the following recommendations:
- "Salt pood". The ancient saying that it is necessary to eat with the person together "salt pood" is familiar to all of us to become relatives each other. Of course, joint life itself will give you such opportunity, however it will be better if you decide to begin independently. Look at the elect in different situations, problem for your relations.
Ask it to help someone from your relatives. If its reaction is positive, support him and help to pass this "test".
If you the believing person, talk to your elect about importance of religion. Try to understand as far as it is important for it. If the answer is negative, reflect, whether it is worth casting in the lot with this person as his discontent or a cold neutrality can ruin your family as a result. Spouses have to be uniform in the key moments.
- Look from outside. Try to look, as far as possible, soberly at reality and to estimate prospects. Estimate all pluses and minuses of your character and character of your elect. Accept quietly existence of certain shortcomings. Remember examples of behavior of your darling in different situations:
Try to estimate also and the character. Admit to yourself the shortcomings.
- adores the younger brother? Great! Means, will love also the child;
- it is not considered with opinion native? Be careful: such person can appear the "terry" egoist. It is quite possible that for such person there are only two opinions: it and … the wrong.
- like to luxuriate in a bed? It is necessary to refuse this habit. At least – for everyday life;
- do not know how to cook (in case you the bride)? It is worth asking mother or the grandmother to teach you at least to several "crown" dishes;
- if you the happy groom also got used that all things for you are tidied up by mother, reconcile to that you need to become more collected. You should not begin with disputes to whom to collect socks and shirts on the apartment.
- Acquaintance to parents. Get accustomed to a family of your darling. What atmosphere reigns in his house? If it warm and friendly – rejoice. If it strained - be ready to that you should smooth acute angles, to support your elect, to find a way out of difficult situations. It is not necessary to become in opposition at all even if your future relatives are not right. If you are sure of the opinion, and it will serve for the benefit to your future family, hold the ground, but do it delicately.
What to do if the relations with parents are not got on?
First, do not give in to emotions. Try to understand them. They worry for the child, wish him good luck. Try to behave so that they did not doubt your sincerity and devotion to it.
If all your efforts as if remain unnoticed, do not enter the conflict. Understand: you are responsible for the darling, not for his native. Whether ask yourself a question "Everything I do in order that my darling (darling) was happy?". Be honest with themselves.
Have patience. If you quietly do that solved, that is to strive for harmony and happiness of your family, the relations with parents will be improved over time. They will understand that you are faithful to the word and are responsible.
First year of joint life
Most often after a wedding young spouses complain that their darling changed, became less attentive, more closed, so, does not love. But it is not obligatory at all that it so. The matter is that your elect did not change at all, simply still you knew him only from the best party. It is known that "at each medal – two parties". Therefore, you need to learn to accept your darling together with his shortcomings.
That your joint life was harmonious and "honey", it is necessary to reflect on its practical part seriously. Happy marriage is not a godsend, and work of both spouses. It is necessary to foreknow that the first year of your life in the status of the husband and wife will be difficult. His psychologists carry to the period of so-called "grinding in". You only start getting used to each other. Over time you will become better to understand and feel each other. To facilitate this period, try to decide on the following important points.Mutual understanding.
Without mutual understanding in a family it is impossible to achieve harmony. However and it not always appears itself. Even if before marriage you took of each other the hint, now there can be quarrels. Treat it quietly and judiciously. Accept as the fact that your elect can sometimes be in . In that case simply leave it alone for some time. Believe, your darling will estimate it. However if quarrel nevertheless happened, try not to increase tone. "Golden rule" of the correct quarrel – never leave from a dispute subject. Unfortunately, many do not follow this rule, and quarrel assumes nearly a universal scale. Also try to adhere to the following:
- if your spouse (spouse) came in bad mood, do not touch it. It is not necessary to declare from a threshold to darling that the neighbour's boy broke a window, and his favourite cat spoiled wall-paper;
- try to make something pleasant. Make tea, prepare its favourite dish;
- do not insist on talk. Simply tell that are always ready to listen, but be not persuasive.
That your family boat did not crash about life, it is necessary to think of its device seriously. It is best of all if you together discuss that you wait from each other. Divide duties:
- if a source of material welfare is the husband, it is necessary to agree that housework – just the same work, so, the wife has to have small days off. Both spouses are interested in it: if the person has an opportunity to have a rest, he with great pleasure and efficiency performs the work and thus does not turn into the slave tortured by life;
- on days off try to get out on walk or on a visit. It will bring and will give the chance to have a rest from household duties;
- if necessary help your darling. To the wife – houses (to wash ware, to load linen into the machine), to the husband – in work if can advise something.
Distribution of the income of a family – one of the most delicate questions. Partly we already mentioned him. If the man earns, to the wife follows:
- to provide good nutrition, a cosiness and rest in the house. How the world changed, the keeper of the family center there is a woman;
- to try to distribute means reasonably: at first to get the most necessary, then minor.
If at the moment is replenished generally thanks to the wife, both spouses need to be very careful. Do not reproach each other. Try to discuss current situation in a quiet situation better and to make the decision.
If both of you work, discuss who pays utilities who – expenditure for products. It has to be your joint, voluntary decision. It is very important not to demand from each other "to spread on a table" all salary. Let each of you will have an opportunity to buy something personally to itself. Personal time.
In the same way, as it is important to have funds for pocket expenses, each of us needs personal time. To stay alone with itself, to think or, on the contrary, to meet old friends. It is not necessary to perceive such moments as alienation signs. They will turn into those only when you oppose to them. In such situation your darling will be intuitively discharged of you as from the reason of its inconvenience. To avoid it, allow it to stay sometimes without you. Go about the own business (self-education, sports club) at this time or too have a rest. Such approach will only pull together you and will make your union stronger.
All listed above moments have more likely practical character. Without reason and the analysis of your family relations it is difficult to keep strong marriage. But the basis to everything is your love, aspiration to become with your darling a single whole. It will also help you to have patience and to achieve the desirable. Do not doubt success!