As it is correct to criticize the person
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Psychology of the personality   Psychology of the relations   

As it is correct to criticize the person

Earlier we already concerned a problem as it is necessary to react to criticism, having given a number of advice on the general case. It is not less important to exercise judgment in such difficult business as to ability most structurally to build criticism in relation to other person who for one reason or another deserves it (according to his behavior or a state).
Earlier we already concerned a problem how to react to criticism, having given a number of advice on the general case irrespective of, whether the criticism fair is or not. And some bright examples of dialogues in the previous material helped to illustrate visually the most widespread mistakes which are made so often by us when listening words critical.
It is not less important to exercise judgment in such difficult business as to ability most structurally to build criticism in relation to other person who for one reason or another deserves it (according to his behavior or a state).


Before conversation better to understand the motives, the reasons for criticism and also to be defined, whether it is worth doing it now, recommends to ask itself the following questions, only try to be the most honest with yourself:
  1. Whether I envy this person?
  2. Whether I am going to prick subconsciously it, to hurt it?
  3. Would I like to ego-trip in such way due to humiliation of another?
  4. How it concerns me, whether there is at us a mutual understanding?
  5. Would I like to keep with it good relationship?
  6. Whether I am confident in justice of my criticism?
  7. Whether is he a beginner in the business?
  8. Whether there is no person in a stressful state now?
  9. What tone I will voice the claims?
  10. Whether I ever stated earlier critical words in its address? How he perceived them?
  11. Whether am I the violent person in that degree what I can flare up in conversation and offend the interlocutor?
  12. Whether so this criticism is necessary?
  13. Whether there are even alternative ways of solution of the problem?
After the mental analysis of the answers, perhaps, you decide to refrain from the criticism. Especially, if you precisely know that the person from you correctly will not apprehend it. And if the person is in difficult circumstances at present, your criticism can aggravate his state as he is in great need in support and understanding. The criticism of the subordinate beginner if to consider from the chief's position, will not be reasonable and will only show tactlessness of the head.

Inadequate criticism

The criticism, undoubtedly, should not wound human dignity and self-esteem. In this regard there is a wish to cite as an example a case with one woman, the good expert in the area. Having worked about a year on a new place, she for some small errors received such portion of a scolding from the boss that, having taken unpaid leave, week recovered from shock and an emotional stress.
And how many happens similar episodes at work? In one magazine information how HR managers pass in one large company tests was printed. Persons interested was quite a lot, and all of them queued to have some kind of interview. However its conditions were very rigid, the potential candidate for a position forced to answer quickly the various questions which do not have any relation to work, checking its reaction, a non-standard of thinking and originality of answers. And if the examinee successfully maintained this squall of questions, on it some kind of various insults and critical statements at the slightest pretext poured. For example, not so looked, not so walked to a table, it is dressed not to taste, speaks insufficiently purely, too turns pale, reddens, fingers shiver, a make-up at girls too vulgar, boots at men are not cleaned, etc. Then ask loaded questions with the purpose to cause anger and rage and when it happens in the examinee, to it solemnly declare that it does not approach.
According to, special creation of a stressful situation and use of the weapon of criticism is inadmissible in that measure in which there is a humiliation of human dignity, its inner self is touched, personal qualities are offended. And then, being in fire of constant remarks, the mentality of the person, in simple terms, breaks, from here can arise different disease not only nervous system, but also somatic. Therefore in many companies unlike that which example is described above, and to further cooperation show consideration for interview and it is precautionary as understand the value of each skilled expert who can make the activity good profit and increase of the status of the company.

As it is correct to criticize

For practical application of will give one effective intuitively clear way of a statement of criticism. Following to an underwritten way will help you to be prepared as much as possible for a meeting with the person whom you would like to criticize and thus to achieve good results.
Before striking up conversation, first, it is useful to think of a place of its carrying out. The best will be that option when you are able to talk confidentially, in not intense situation. Some start criticizing directly in the presence of strangers who with curiosity can watch you or greedy catch each your word and the answer of the criticized. The human lyubopytnost is a little mischievous, one thought that it not me so abuse, is for some reason so pleasant. But put yourself to the place of your interlocutor, become under a sight of eyes of all surrounding you – and you will understand all depth of hostility and indignity which is suffered by the criticized person. Therefore keep nerves and vanity of your interlocutor, agree to meet in a convenient place for it and for you. For the chief it will be the invitation of the subordinate to itself in an office, but not its rating on a workplace.
So, we decided on it, secondly, it is necessary to think over the content of conversation. advises mentally to break conversation into separate components: introduction, main text and conclusion.
In the introduction if you for the first time met for this day the person, surely greet it, let your look will be natural and friendly. If you already saw each other since morning, and you want to state criticism later, approach it in time necessary to you and ask for permission to depart with you for some minutes to talk. Such respect, undoubtedly, bribes and gives you additional chances of fast mutual understanding and painless perception of criticism.
Then tell some words about high qualities of the interlocutor or about his successful work which he performed recently if cannot remember something concrete, express general impressions about his merits. Take an interest, whether there are at it no questions to you. The similar natural introduction will help to adjust you on a friendly wave and your interlocutor, will a little defuse tensions, and the positive accent will dispose it to attentive hearing.
The following part of conversation – the main contents. Here you can, using words transitions, imperceptibly to designate a problematic issue which disturbs you, and to state to the person the remarks in a quiet manner. From the experience all of us know how it is unpleasant to listen to criticism in relation to himself, especially, if it sounds roughly and humiliating. Therefore not to provoke the person to occupation of a defensive position, try to sustain conversation in equal tone, without becoming personal. Imperative or scornful notes if you do not hold the chief's post are inadmissible but even if you also are the leading person, it is much simpler to lead conversation in an official style, than in style: "I from above – you from below", blurting out critical remarks instructive or command language.
Upon termination of conversation find opportunity to thank the person that he listened to you, and surely tell about belief that he will take into consideration your remarks. However do not insist on unconditional adoption of your words is can spoil all business and all previous conversation it will be vain, let to it know that he completely is responsible for himself that do not doubt his judiciousness, and you only want to help it. Again place emphasis on its progress, ask as it reached them, and encourage his efforts.

Nonverbal signals in criticism considers necessary some words to devote to one, quite significant detail which many do not consider at all. It is about nonverbal signals, sending them to other person, we unconsciously tell him the true intentions.
For example, you say that are very glad to a meeting and communication, at the same time stand with the crossed hands ("Napoleon's pose") or sit with the bound fingers which look speaks about your efforts to restrain from unreasonable criticism and not to say rude words.
Will tell the opened palms, the general easy behavior about your sincerity and the warm relation, depending on the level of proximity of your relations, open signals can vary in the wide range. If you want to learn in more detail about the signals transmitted to the interlocutor with gestures, a look begin acquaintance with this subject with the material "Nonverbal Means of Communication".

In end there is a wish to wish you in all critical statements which will tell in the future – wisdom, of keenness to your interlocutor and respect for his personality. Then your words will surely reach the purpose, keeping not only your honor, but also dignity of other person.
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