Much of us very much like to see how relatives, friends and acquaintances arrive according to our representations. We usually pay to such people compliments, we maintain cordial relations with them, deepening and developing these relations as there is in them a need. Only some render the goodwill in response to the shown attention and care, but most often they take the friendly relation for granted.
To whom such picture is not familiar: the husband tries to satisfy all whims of the wife, counting on reciprocal attention, she will stay without turning a hair to thank him, to make to it pleasant. However the husband should make something not as offenses and reproaches begin at once, on his head so much criticism and lectures as it is necessary to behave what he stupid, insensible also does not acquire elementary things pours out. If at both hot , it is quite possible that everything will come to an end large quarrel with a fight.
Why it is worth paying compliments
If you ignore the behavior wished for you, without showing any reciprocal emotions, type: "Ah, what you well done!", "You perfectly understand me!", "I simply do not know, as if did without your help!", "You my best!", – and, uttering the person for his wrong behavior in all ways, up to unprintable lexicon, you risk to sew to yourself the enemy secret or obvious.
In the theory of studying of behavior the rule, conformable is stated to bible saying: "Arrive with people as you would like that with you arrived". That is the relation of relatives and the people surrounding you is defined by your response to them. The action encouraged by you repeats much more more often than what is ignored. The negative behavior of the person if he seeks to draw to himself attention, will also be constantly shown. This phenomenon is known, how "the strengthened return".
Therefore, to receive the positive strengthened return, InfoAdvisor.net advises:
- To encourage good acts and not to stint kind words and compliments.
- Not to try to abuse, reprimand or punish generously for acts, unpleasant for you.
For one it will be humiliation, and others will apprehend as the scarce attention shown to them and will repeat the negative actions.
One woman admitted conversation with the psychologist that could not achieve the confidential relations with house only because all kind that was shown in relation to it, she perceived as something herself understood. Such approach yielded negative result – with it began to communicate less. After conversation the woman tried to change style of communication, began to smile and tell warm words on any positive behavior. Now not to learn this family – it is so much love between her members. Everyone feels as socially significant person, irreplaceable.
Likely, everyone remembers such regularity: the more give sincere compliments, the more in reply receive kind words. And the opinion on you strikingly changes – you both sympathetic, and clever, both attentive, and attractive.
Many mistakenly believe: if openly to express the positive feelings to the interlocutor, that can put on airs and cease to meet your expectations on him. Such people live by the principle: it is better to adjust, than to encourage.
However similar tactics bears quite doubtful fruits. Having received negative reaction in response to the actions or the indifference is simple, such people test , depression. They reduce , there is no incentive to aspiration forward. On the contrary, the compliment and encouragement as if pour in fresh forces and attract to conquer immense peaks.
Art of a compliment
Now we will pass to HOW it is necessary to pay compliments
Council the first: accurately imagine, what tone will tell words. The best compliment will not have desirable effect if say it through clenched teeth or with nasuplenny . That is you understood: your person has to correspond to the said words as exactly thanks to visual contact we receive more than 90% of information on a psychological state of the interlocutor.
Council of the second: in a compliment say not only THAT is pleasant to you in other person, but also WHY. For example: "You the excellent musician because you perfectly execute the works". "You have a cool dress! It perfectly sits on your figure".
Council the third: address to the person by name. Ancient philosophers well knew that around the world it is the most sweet sound. If you want to strengthen the words, to pay a compliment to the specific interlocutor individually, apply this condition. In an example with compliments they can be paraphrased as follows: "Alexander Petrovich, you the excellent musician because you perfectly execute the works". "Oksana, you have a cool dress! It perfectly sits on your figure!".
In business conversation the address to the partner in a name allows to reach the mutual agreement quicker. InfoAdvisor.net recommends to use this reception when conversation concerns the most difficult questions when you want to convince the opponent to agree with you, to accept your point of view or a specific proposal.
Council the fourth: do not pay compliments if you expect something to receive from your interlocutor. You will be written down for a long time in category of flatterers. And people around still will have negative impressions, and very few people will want to cooperate with you.
Council the fifth: do not answer with an identical compliment the recognition made to you. For example:
- "Lena, you have original watch!"
- "Yours too quite good …"
It looks so as if you have nothing to tell and you are compelled to answer somehow.
Council of the sixth: do not go too far in the expressions. For example: "Thank you that you gave the camera, it very much was useful to me. By the way, show how to insert a film – in any way I cannot understand …".
Council of the seventh: learn to turn criticism into the constructive statement. In conversation sometimes there is a desire to criticize another, to touch a sensitive string to push to the best behavior or other option of a solution. For example, instead of words: "You sewed a disgusting dress", better to say: "You perfectly picked up color of a matter, the top at you is well trimmed, and here below can, will make in a different way?". That is at first we look for the positive moments and carefully we bring the person to problem part, offering a way of the decision. The criticism beginning with a compliment, people perceive more softly and quicker agree to the offered changes.
Council of the eighth: help the person to accept a compliment. Paying compliments, we usually expect to see a grateful glance of the interlocutor, the warm answer or modest . But how to behave if on your words hear something such, what forces you to feel awkwardly and to regret about the told? For example, you speak: "What beautiful shoes at you!", and in reply hear: "It is old footwear". Or: "At you it is so pure in the house", on what follows: "Nonsense, but in kitchen mess". And all in such spirit.
The person who is not able to accept compliments, as a rule, suffers from a low self-assessment, uncertainty that he really well performed the work. Almost always it has problems in communication. How to arrive in such cases? Here InfoAdvisor.net can advise to ask a question right after a compliment not to allow the interlocutor to humiliate itself. Here example: "What at you! Where you got it?". Usually people shortly thank and answer.
By means of this reception you will be able always to help the person to accept a praise, for it with you will be remembered as easy and easy.
Your ability sincerely to pay compliments, certainly, will help with communications with all people to reach mutual sympathy, at work will give chance to establish strong relations with employees, will lead to success in career!